This is an intimate conversation between Jason and one of the original SWEDARGONAUTS, Al, about Al's experience of sexual abuse as a small child. It begins with a discussion about Jason's attempt to create the ideal occupation for himself, holding the ARGO together, time & money, the selfless life of the shaman, Al's journey from paranoia to paranoid awareness to SWEDA, from having no one to understand him to being surrounded by understanding, the way in which increased awareness leads to increased denial, the pattern of despair, giving in without giving up, the only path there is, the difference between examining the past and dwelling on the past, using death as an adviser, letting the past come to us, spontaneous recall, Al's childhood abuse, being triggered by a single phrase, a la "Manchurian Candidate," opening a channel to past traumas, getting past possible "screen memories."